From TES issue 59 (September 2009)

Series 2. Level 1.
THE TROLL
This colossal stone giant was hardly the sharpest sword in the armoury, yet he provided some fairly good scenes with a few genuinely tense moments. Unlike the trolls of series 7 and 8, this Troll spoke English (not perfectly, it has to be said) and, in no uncertain terms, informed any dungeoneers unlucky enough to appear on the rocky ledge beside his pit that he was going to devour them. The Troll was played by Guy Standeven, in his only non-wall monster role!

The Troll’s first appearance was with Claire, the second dungeoneer of series 2. After informing the dungeoneer that he suspected her to be a goat (because of the horns on the Helmet of Justice) the hungry monster stated his intention to feed: ”I is hungry, and trolls likes goats!” – Troll. The team needs a prompt from Treguard before they decide to cast a spell called LITTLE, which Lillith has previously awarded them. The Troll shrinks rapidly and soon disappears from view, cursing Claire all the while in an increasingly high-pitched voice.

The Troll’s next appearance was at the start of Akash’s infamously bungled quest, and this was the only occasion on which a spell or object was not required to deal with him. As usual, he declaimed his intention to devour the dungeoneer, forcing Akash to plead for his life by making a convincing case that he was not good to eat. I actually think this is the high point of Akash’s entire quest, as the clueless dungeoneer does quite a good job of convincing the Troll that he tastes very nasty indeed! Of course, this whole scene is set up so that the Troll can reward Akash for his honesty with the spell TRUTH, which the team desperately needs to get past Igneous because they are all so thick!

We next see the Troll during Jamie’s quest. The team desperately attempts to bribe the hungry monster with a jar of humbugs and a bag of small change, but he just isn’t interested! It’s up to Treguard to tell Jamie to take the stopper off the humbug jar, whereupon the Troll is attacked by a swarm of bees, creating an almost identical scene to one in the previous episode involving Stuart, Olaf and a jar of honey!

The Troll’s fourth and final appearance came towards the end of the series, with the penultimate dungeoneer, Steven. I think this is probably my favourite scene involving the Troll, as it really is quite funny. As you may remember, Steven was in possession of an amulet of invisibility, and was able to control whether or not he was visible with the help of a gauntlet. The advisors had to guide the invisible Steven carefully along the Troll’s ledge, checking his position every so often. Because the Troll was so stupid, he just could not work out why his lunch kept appearing and disappearing, and didn’t have a clue how to deal with the situation. His expressions of surprise and frustration as Steven keeps disappearing really are funny to watch – well done, Guy Standeven, you did a good job!

Fear Factor: 7 A very large and very genuine threat.
Killer Instinct: 2 Plenty of instinct, but never got round to it in the end.
Humour Rating: 4 He sang a fun little song to Steven.
Oscar Standard: 9 An excellent performance.

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